Tuesday, January 12, 2010

An Anxious Look About You

I'm feeling pretty good today except tonight I've been having pain in my stomach. That's a good sign though because the doctor says that's the chemo fighting the cancer. Other than that things are pretty normal.

I've been thinking about the waiting room at MDA where you get your blood work done and have made some observations.

You can categorize the people into 3 groups:

1. Just diagnosed with cancer for the first time. Waiting for the blood work to see how bad it is.
2. Waiting to find out if they have cancer again.
3. Currently in chemo waiting on routine blood work.

While sitting in the waiting room your eyes automatically scan and notice the bald people with PICCS in their arms. There are all different types of cancers and stages of cancer being represented. Some people are moving well while others are in wheel chairs. Then, you notice the other people in the room who look healthy. They still have hair, but they have a certain look about them. Those who have had cancer before are contemplating, look worried and frightened. They know what to expect and are thinking about their past experience and worried about their future. Then, you notice the people who look completely frightened, almost panicked. Their eyes are wandering around the room and fixate on the sick people. On several occasions I've had people eye balling me. They look me up and down, stare at my bald head, and focus in on my arm. Never do they look away, but I don't take offense. They are in their own world worried about their future. You can almost read their thoughts. "Is that what I'm going to look like?" and "Am I going to loose my hair?" and "Will I have that thing in my arm?" It's weird because in my experience nobody ever talks about their diagnosis. No one asks questions or compares stories. Sometimes I feel like I should stand up and ask, "Who here is waiting to be diagnosed? OK, let's go talk and leave here feeling OK about our situations." I really hope that each of these people have the same support as me. The prayers, emails and phone calls have helped get me through this experience. Lastly, I hope they have a relationship with God because without his strength beating this disease is near impossible.

"Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10


  1. Mark,

    I just wanted to send this to you.

    Dancing with God

    G U I D A N C E
    This is amazing that someone
    even thought of this!

    Dancing With God
    When I meditated on the word Guidance,
    I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.
    I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
    When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
    The movement doesn't flow with the music,
    and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
    When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
    both bodies begin to flow with the music.
    One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
    or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.
    It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
    The dance takes surrender, willingness,
    and attentiveness from one person
    and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
    My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
    When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".
    "God, "u" and "i" dance."
    God, you, and I dance.
    As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
    that I would get guidance about my life.
    Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
    My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
    and mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.
    May you abide in God, as God abides in you.
    Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
    and to guide you through each season of your life.

    This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached. If God has done anything for you in your life, please share this message with someone else. There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue to pray for one another.

    And I Hope You Dance Through
    Life with Him

  2. Thanks for the comment.What your saying I understand I do like the dance.In the past letting God lead has been my problem I always danced alone. Since this last cancer has come in my life I'm learning I have to allow God to lead the dance and me follow every move he wants me to make. It's been hard to give up the lead.