My Catscan Day

Yesterday I left my house at 5a to go to my 7:15a catscan appointment at MDA. When I arrived at MDA and received my schedule and it turned out they had bumped all my appointments until later in the day. I didn't mind too much but did feel sorry for my friend who drove me. MDA is usually pretty good about working you in though. I got through the blood work quickly and then moved on to the xray department. When they were checking me in it turns out there was a block on my account. Then the fight began. I went to the business office and discovered that the insurance company refused to pay for the upper scan that measured the size of my tumor. What really irritated me was that this is one of the most important tests I will take and when MDA entered the test into the computer they saw my account was blocked. Instead of calling me to let me know what was going on they let me drive from Beaumont in the pouring down rain to find out I may be sent home empty handed. When I spoke with the business office I offered to pay for the test myself but she refused. My main concern was what if the insurance company refused to pay? I needed the test done, I would pay for it, end of story. They should schedule it and work it out with insurance later. She and I exchanged words and then I got on the phone with the insurance company. Apparently the doctors at the insurance company and the doctors at MDA were having a hard time reaching one another. They needed to discuss the test before the insurance company could approve the claim. Long story short, after 30 minutes of trying I was able to set up a phone meeting with the doctors. If the people at MDA didn't know me before today they do now.

By 11a everything was sorted out and my xray began. This xray was just a regular chest xray to make sure nothing has grown in my lungs. Then, I went to the catscan department. They call you in a room and allow you to pick the flavor of barium you'll be choking down. They had apple, banana, orange and berry. The nurse said berry is usually the flavor everyone chooses so I went with that one. It was much worse than muscle milk. It makes me shake every time I drink it. They give you 1 hour to drink about 20 ounces of barium and then it's time to either get an IV or get your PICC flushed in preparation for receiving the contrast. Luckily, I had my PICC so they were able to add the contrast through that instead of giving me an IV. They called me back, prepared my PICC for the contrast and then gave me another hour to drink 20 more ounces of barium. When this hour is up they lay you flat on a table and then shoot barium up your rectum. They have a machine that is shaped like a donut and is about 2 feet wide. Your entire body isn't covered by the machine, but the table goes through the donut while it's taking pictures of your body. You first do the test without contrast and then they add the contrast to your PICC/IV. As soon as they add contrast to your body you can feel the heat all the way to your toes. It doesn't hurt, but everything gets hot. The contrast and the barium work together to light up your body, without it your body would be dark during the scan and the doctors wouldn't be able to see anything. The contrast goes through your entire system while the barium lights up the parts of your body connected to digestion. Together, your entire body is lit up and gives the doctors a better visual.

For me personally, it makes my sugar level go up and gives me some stomach problems. Now, I'm in the waiting period. I have a 4p appointment with my oncologist on Monday the 4th to receive the results. Please pray for a good outcome.

"If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence. If I should say, "My foot has slipped," Thy lovingkindess, O Lord, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul." Psalm 94:17-19

Why Not Me and You?

First, I'd like to tell you about a miracle that happened in my family last night. My 32 year old niece, Kim had a massive heart attack. She was rushed to the hospital and had to be brought back to life by shocking her heart. After working on her for some time the doctor came down to talk to the family. He said that she was really lucky. The type of heart attack she had is nicknamed the "widow maker" because no one ever survives. The main artery going to her heart was completely blocked, so they placed a stint in. As a firefighter at Exxon I have had to assist others in the rescue of heart attack victims. From my experience, if they are to the point of needing shocked they usually don't survive. It is truly a miracle that Kim is alive. Please pray for her and her family during her recovery time.

During my experience with cancer I felt skeptical of whether or not I was worthy of a miracle. My first visit at MDA was not encouraging. The surgeon began the conversation by telling me I was not a candidate for surgery. He then proceeded to give me tons of percentages that did not give me good odds. Overall, he said that most people with my cancer live up to 5 years and that if the chemo didn't work I'd have 6 months to live. I did not feel confident when leaving Houston that day. A week later I went to my oncologist for the first time and asked her not to give me success rates or percentages. I just had one question, "Has anyone ever survived stomach cancer?" Her answer was yes and that's all I needed to know. From that point on I decided to fight. When first diagnosed I'd pray for a miracle and then wonder if God would choose to save me? Why would he? I didn't attend church regularly, wasn't the best christian and I'm not perfect. I'm not a preacher, I'm not a deacon or a priest. Why would God waste a miracle on me? I'm sure other people have problems too and probably struggle with the same doubts. What I've come to realize is God loves us all. We are all his children. As a parent, I love my kids the same no matter what they do. One may be better at sports and the other may make better grades. If one child messes up that doesn't make me love them any differently. In the end, God loves us all equally and if it is in his will a miracle could be in store for any of us. So why not me or you? Just have faith.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

God's Love Filters Your Life

This Wednesday I'm having a catscan done which will determine whether or not the chemo is working. I'm already anxious about the results and my brother always tells me a miracle is coming. I know he is right because I've already improved so much.
I've been reading a book entitled "You! God's Brand New Idea" by Max Lucado and found a passage I'd like to share with you. This passage has comforted me and already made me feel better.

"God's Love Filters Your Life."

Every so often in life, we found ourselves standing before God's counter, thinking we know the itinerary. Good health, a job promotion, a pregnancy. Many times God checks the itinerary he created and says yes. But there are times he says, "No. That is not the journey I have planned for you. I have you routed through the city of struggle."

We can stamp our feet and shake our fist. Or we can make a sailor-in-the-storm-decision. I know God knows what is best.

He alters all itineraries. He knows what is best. No struggle will come your way apart from his purpose, presence, and permission. What encouragement this brings! You are never the victim of nature or the prey of fate. Chance is eliminated. You are more than a weather vane whipped about the winds of fortune.

We live beneath the protective palm of a sovereign king who superintends every circumstances in our lives and delights in doing us good.

If you have something in your life that has you worried or concerned remember to trust in God. He'll get you through anything.

Is that a probe or a 2x4?

A few days ago an old friend came in town and some of us decided to get together and catch up. While visiting we started discussing different medical procedures/tests we've suffered through. I thought I'd share with you the example I told the guys. Before my surgery 3 years ago the doctor told me I'd need one more test ran. I was skeptical because most of my other tests had been done rectally, but the doctor told me all I needed was an MRI and I immediately felt relieved. As a firefighter claustrophobia is not something you are concerned with, so I knew sitting in tight quarters for an hour or so would be a piece of cake. I even confirmed with the front desk that all I needed was a simple MRI. Once receiving that confirmation I relaxed and enjoyed reading my book until my name was called. Eventually, a male nurse came out and called 5 names, mine being the last. He lined us up near the dressing rooms and began calling out orders to each of us. He started with the first person in line and told him to strip down to his underwear, put the gown on and go to room 1. He then told the 2nd, 3rd and 4th person all to strip down to their underwear, put on the gown and go in their room. Then, he got to me. He told me to take off ALL my clothes, put the gown on and go to room number 5. Red flags immediately went up and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I called the nurse into my dressing room, sat him down and asked, "Why am I different than everyone else?" He replied, "Well, sir, your test is different because it is done rectally." They then brought me into a room and of course there were 2 LADY nurses to administer the test. They asked me to get on the table, lay on my side, and they pulled out a probe that looked like a 2x4. They put the probe in, and you roll to your back and then lay in the machine for 45 minutes to an hour. Let's just say it was uncomfortable. After the test was over 2 NEW woman nurses came in to remove it. Of course, it couldn't be the same nurses who had already seen everything. When they removed the probe I told the nurse that I felt violated and that she at least owed me lunch. She laughed but her elderly nurse friend did not agree. I did receive lunch, but I payed for it myself. At the time the test seemed traumatic but looking back it's just kind of humorous. I survived!

"A heart at peace gives life to the body." Proverbs 14:30

Quick Update

Yesterday the Jesus' birthday party was a hit with Owen and his best friend. They read the story of Christmas and used a toy manger scene to further explain the details. The kid's got to sing happy birthday to Jesus and blow out the candles. Actually, they begged to blow the candles out repeatedly. The kids also received gifts in honor of Jesus' birthday. I think the boys now have a better understanding of the meaning of Christmas.

Today I'm feeling pretty good. I've started walking and doing exercises with my left arm. I can't work out my right arm because of my PICC but hope to maintain muscle in the rest of my body. I even ate beef for the first time in months and so far it seems to be settling well. My oncologist has stressed the importance of exercise and nutrition to me. She wants my goal to be maintaining calories and keeping my body in shape. The doctors believe I'm doing so well because I was in such good shape to begin with and I'd like to keep it that way. Anything helps!

I do have a question for those of you who have been through chemo. After I receive my treatment the top of my head breaks out in a rash. Do any of you have a similar experience?

"Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

Christmas Festivities

This past Saturday and Sunday I was a little nausea and had some lower back pain and stomach pains. Again, the pains I have are caused by the chemo fighting the cancer and usually go away by Monday or Tuesday. Also, my hair is starting to grow back and it's 90% white. I may end up looking like Einstein's twin by the time this is all over.

This weekend was full of many Christmas festivities. First, we had our last Christmas at my mother's house. It was both happy and sad. We had fantastic mexican food (catered by Dana Jara if you are interested), watched the kid's opened gifts and played a stressful game of BINGO for cash. Usually before the BINGO began mom would open her gifts from everyone. If a card was attached to the present she would read it front to back to the entire crowd. She'd shush people, make sure everyone was paying attention and read every single word that both the card maker and the gift giver would write. It was one of those things we all joked about but will certainly miss.

My son-in-law has a different work schedule, so this Sunday we woke up to Santa gifts for my grandbaby. He was surprised by his Santa gift at least 5 times. He'd run in the room and then run back out. He wanted to know, "What's the big idea?" He also wanted to open and play with each gift when we opened presents. It took us a good 3 hours to open all the gifts.

My daughter is trying to explain to my grandson the meaning of Christmas. When she first explained that it was Jesus' birthday he was concerned that he'd have to give Jesus the gifts and got a little defensive. So, today we are having a birthday party for Jesus. We baked cupcakes, plan to order pizza, have balloons, and read the story of Christmas using a manager scene. Once she explains everything again she's going to give Owen and his best bud each a gift and tell them that because it's Jesus birthday and we want to remember it we give each other gifts. Hopefully this party will clear up any confusion.

This Christmas was really important to me because even though I feel that the chemo is working doubts still creep in. In the back of my mind I was reminded that this maybe my last Christmas, so I enjoyed watching the kids open gifts more than I ever have. People tell me that these doubts are the devil trying to get you down, and it's true, but that doesn't mean thoughts don't still creep in. So, with all my might I'm fighting negativity at all times. I did manage to shake the doubts off and have a great Christmas.

"For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Family History of Cancer

I'm feeling pretty good today, but I'm anticipating being sick later. Usually the vomiting kicks in when my chemo pump stops administering the medicine. It's the strangest thing, but it's almost instantaneous.

In the past, men in my family usually died of heart attacks. No one really ever had cancer or at least we didn't know about it. As the years progressed cancer has definitely become well acquainted with my family.

1. In 1971 my father's mother died of a liver disease that we now believe was cancer. Her symptoms were almost identical to the ones my father had years later.

2. My father got prostate cancer in the late 80s and he went through radiation. The radiation damaged other parts of his body, but they considered him cancer free. He refused to have surgery.

3. My sister Susan got breast cancer and they did a lumpectomy and radiation. She was then cancer free.

4. In 1996 my dad got pancreatic cancer that later spread to his liver. He passed away in 1998. It's interesting because my dad had taken my mother to the hospital because her heart was racing. While they were testing my mom, my sister noticed my dad looked yellow. She insisted he see a doctor and by the end of the day we found out he had cancer. I was out of town, and when I got home both my parents were in the hospital. We were later told my dad had 4 months to live. Not satisfied with that answer, we forced him to go to Houston and he lived 2 years.

5. In 2006 I got prostate cancer and had surgery. The surgery was a success and I was then cancer free.

6. My mother got breast cancer in 2007. She had a lumpectomy and radiation and was considered cancer free.

7. Then, of course you know I have stomach cancer.

Now, my family is definitely taking being tested seriously. Hopefully everyone will continue to get tested on a regular basis. I can not stress the importance of getting your regular checkups and tests done. You never know, you could be the first one in your family with cancer!

For a family who never had cancer before, we sure have had our fair share. You know, every one has been affected with cancer though. Everyone knows someone with cancer.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

A Father's Love

A friend forwarded this to me and I thought everyone should read it.

AFTER A FEW OF THE USUAL SUNDAY EVENING HYMNS,

THE CHURCH'S PASTOR SLOWLY STOOD UP,

WALKED OVER TO THE PULPIT AND,

BEFORE HE GAVE HIS SERMON FOR THE EVENING,

HE BRIEFLY INTRODUCED A GUEST MINISTER

WHO WAS IN THE SERVICE THAT EVENING.


IN THE INTRODUCTION, THE PASTOR TOLD THE

CONGREGATION THAT THE GUEST MINISTER WAS

ONE OF HIS DEAREST CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AND

THAT HE WANTED HIM TO HAVE A FEW MOMENTS

TO GREET THE CHURCH AND SHARE WHATEVER

HE FELT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE FOR THE SERVICE..


WITH THAT, AN ELDERLY MAN STEPPED UP TO THE

PULPIT AND BEGAN TO SPEAK.


'A FATHER, HIS SON, AND A FRIEND OF HIS SON WERE

SAILING OFF THE PACIFICCOAST ,' HE BEGAN.

'WHEN A FAST APPROACHING STORM BLOCKED ANY

ATTEMPT TO GET BACK TO THE SHORE.


THE WAVES WERE SO HIGH, THAT EVEN THOUGH THE

FATHER WAS AN EXPERIENCED SAILOR, HE COULD NOT

KEEP THE BOAT UPRIGHT AND THE THREE WERE SWEPT

INTO THE OCEAN AS THE BOAT CAPSIZED.'


THE OLD MAN HESITATED FOR A MOMENT,

MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH TWO TEENAGERS WHO WERE,

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE SERVICE BEGAN,

LOOKING SOMEWHAT INTERESTED IN HIS STORY.


THE AGED MINISTER CONTINUED WITH HIS STORY,

'GRABBING A RESCUE LINE, THE FATHER HAD TO MAKE THE

MOST EXCRUCIATING DECISION OF HIS LIFE: TO WHICH BOY

WOULD HE THROW THE OTHER END OF THE LIFE LINE.

HE ONLY HAD SECONDS TO MAKE THE DECISION.

THE FATHER KNEW THAT HIS SON WAS A CHRISTIAN AND

HE, ALSO, KNEW THAT HIS SON'S FRIEND WAS NOT.

THE AGONY OF HIS DECISION COULD NOT BE MATCHED BY

THE TORRENT OF WAVES.


AS THE FATHER YELLED OUT, 'I LOVE YOU, SON!'

HE THREW OUT THE LIFE LINE TO HIS SON'S FRIEND..

BY THE TIME THE FATHER HAD PULLED THE FRIEND BACK

TO THE CAPSIZED BOAT, HIS SON HAD DISAPPEARED BENEATH

THE RAGING SWELLS INTO THE BLACK OF NIGHT.



HIS BODY WAS NEVER RECOVERED.



BY THIS TIME, THE TWO TEENAGERS WERE SITTING UP

STRAIGHT IN THE PEW, ANXIOUSLY WAITING FOR THE NEXT

WORDS TO COME OUT OF THE OLD MINISTER'S MOUTH.



'THE FATHER,' HE CONTINUED, 'KNEW HIS SON WOULD

STEP INTO ETERNITY WITH JESUS AND HE COULD NOT

BEAR THE THOUGHT OF HIS SON'S FRIEND STEPPING INTO

AN ETERNITY WITHOUT JESUS.. THEREFORE, HE SACRIFICED

HIS SON TO SAVE THE SON'S FRIEND. '



HOW GREAT IS THE LOVE OF GOD THAT HE SHOULD DO THE

SAME FOR US. OUR HEAVENLY FATHER SACRIFICED HIS ONLY

BEGOTTEN SON THAT WE COULD BE SAVED. I URGE YOU TO

ACCEPT HIS OFFER TO RESCUE YOU AND TAKE A HOLD OF THE

LIFE LINE HE IS THROWING OUT TO YOU IN THIS SERVICE.'

WITH THAT, THE OLD MAN TURNED AND SAT BACK DOWN IN

HIS CHAIR AS SILENCE FILLED THE ROOM.



THE PASTOR AGAIN WALKED SLOWLY TO THE PULPIT AND

DELIVERED A BRIEF SERMON WITH AN INVITATION AT THE

END. HOWEVER, NO ONE RESPONDED TO THE APPEAL.


AFTER THE SERVICE ENDED, THE TWO

TEENAGERS WERE AT THE OLD MAN'S SIDE.



'THAT WAS A NICE STORY,' POLITELY STATED ONE OF

THEM,'BUT I DON'T THINK IT WAS VERY REALISTIC FOR A

FATHER TO GIVE UP HIS ONLY SON'S LIFE IN HOPES THAT

THE OTHER BOY WOULD BECOME A CHRISTIAN.'



'WELL, YOU'VE GOT A POINT THERE,' THE OLD MAN REPLIED,

GLANCING DOWN AT HIS WORN BIBLE. A BIG SMILE BROADENED

HIS NARROW FACE. HE ONCE AGAIN LOOKED UP AT THE BOYS

AND SAID, 'IT SURE ISN'T VERY REALISTIC, IS IT? BUT,

I'M STANDING HERE TODAY TO TELL YOU THAT STORY GIVES

ME A GLIMPSE OF WHAT IT MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE FOR GOD

TO GIVE UP HIS SON FOR ME.



YOU SEE..



I WAS THAT FATHER AND YOUR PASTOR IS MY SON'S FRIEND.'

Today at MDA

Today was my day of fun at MDA. My day began with blood work and a meeting with the doctor's assistant. He said my blood work was good and actually some aspects of it improved like the nutrition side. Even though chemo is hard on me, they think the reason my body is responding so well to the drugs is because I was in such good shape before being diagnosed. My next appointment is set for December 30th and that's where I'll have a full body scan and a lung x-ray. On January 4th I'll have an appointment with my oncologist and they'll decide where to go from here. This visit will probably be the most important doctors visit I'll ever have. If the chemo is working there's a good chance the treatments will continue. As far as the side effects from the chemo this round I'm having nausea, stomach pain, drowsiness and my head is hot. I don't have fever, and I'm not sweating, but my head is hot. It's weird. Every week is a different adventure.

Pray Now Please!

Just started chemo. Please pray it's working!

Live Life to the Fullest

The doctors say I can eat anything, so over the past few days I've been experimenting with different foods. Some work and others don't!

I'm not qualified to discuss some subjects, but in the most recent months I've become knowledgeable on one subject and that is living life to the fullest. I have no control over whether or not the chemo is working or how long I'll be on Earth. Although most things in my life are out of my control I do have a few personal decisions I can make. While on Earth I'll make good decisions that will impact my eternal life. I can choose whether or not I'll take the path to heaven or hell, and I choose heaven. The choices and decisions I make are up to me and no one else. I'm going to enjoy each minute of my life, be thankful for the good things, and try to change the bad. I'm going to praise God and give Him all the glory He deserves, so when He comes for me I'll have a front row seat in heaven.

I've learned that the best way to live my life is to wake up, thank God for another day, and pray away any pain I may be feeling that day. I say this because I'm worried about someone in my life. In the past 2 months my friend has convinced himself that he has 3 different types of cancers. The doctors continue to prove him wrong and each time they do he convinces himself another cancer is taking over his body. Right now his life is consumed by worrying and fear instead of being thankful that the doctors haven't found cancer. I told him to trust in God. Get up, plan a vacation, pray away any fears, and live life. The life he is choosing to live right now is not full of praise, joy, positivity, and can not be good for the soul.

Another example of this is people who hate their jobs. Instead of focusing on the good things about their job like the friends and the stability, they only see the bad things. Before they know it 30 years of their life has been wasted away by complaining and negativity. What a miserable existence! I challenge all of you to be able to differentiate from the good and bad. When things are good, be thankful for them and when things are bad, change it. Don't harp on it.

God is most definitely in control, but he does leave some things up to us. We have to plan and make choices while also trusting Him and being able to remain flexible. We must listen to Him and try to follow His will for our life and make good decisions. Below is a story my friend sent me and I'd like to share it with you.

There was a bad storm in town and the river started rising. Police came through the neighborhood asking people to leave because they'd drown in the river if they stayed. The man told the police officer he wasn't worried about it and God would take care of him. The river rose and the water got to the door of his house. Then, a man came in a boat and asked him to get in the boat because if he didn't he'd drown. The man replied, he wasn't worried about it because God would take care of him. The water then rose to his roof top. While on his roof a helicopter flew by and tried to rescue him. He said he wasn't worried about it and God would take care of him. Without accepting help, the man drowned. When he got up to heaven he was upset. He asked God why he didn't take care of him. God said he did. He sent a police officer, a boat and a helicopter to rescue him and he wouldn't listen.

The moral of the story is that God is willing to help, but we must be willing to listen. He gives us direction and then we must follow it. He can't do everything for us.

I'd like to share one other story with you. My daughter's friend spent all day making a gingerbread house with her 3 year old son. The next day, while the kid was at school, the dog ate the gingerbread house and had left only a few pieces on the table. The mom was so worried her son would be devastated. When the little boy ran in the room and she explained what happened all he said was "Yay! Thanks Ginger for saving me a piece!"

Isn't it great how he has such a positive outlook on life?

Overall, We all have to make decisions in life. We must live life to the fullest, be positive, praise Him and listen to God when He is trying to speak to us.

"I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live." Psalms 116:1-2

Expenses for a Day

The last two days have been really good. I haven't had much pain or been nausea.

I thank God that I work at a place that has a great union. We have bargained for good benefits and pay. First, let me begin by saying I don't need money. I am blessed to have such great insurance and benefits and my family is fine. My point to this blog entry is thinking about all the people who don't have insurance or good benefits. I can't imagine the financial burden they must be in. I thought I'd tell you about some of the expenses that you incur when traveling back and forth to MDA.

This is the cost for 1 day of chemo:
1. $50 for gas
2. $20 for food for the day
3. $15 for parking
4. $25,000 per chemo treatment (I have insurance, don't worry)
5. Some people loose a days pay when traveling to MDA. I luckily work for a company that pays me for sick leave.
6. Some people even pay airline tickets and hotel stays.

This total isn't including the blood work, the doctors visit or any other tests/scans that may be ran while at MDA. Again, let me say that I don't need money. I've just been thinking about other people who may not be as blessed as me. With that being said, I'd pay a lot more than that to be getting the level of care MDA provides. You can't put a dollar amount on the value of your life.

Even though life gets tough, we don't have to fear because God will not only give us comfort, but he'll also meet our needs.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

No Like Milkshakes (spoken like my grandson)

Today the nausea went away which is great. If you recall, a few weeks ago I was telling you how up to 5 days after chemo touching anything cold would shock me. I've recently found out that the effects stay with me much longer. Today I was outside without my gloves and discovered that my hands tingle and go numb. Oh, and I should mention that my mustache is falling out. I'm still determined not to shave it just yet.

Has anybody ever heard of professional strength muscle building milkshake or muscle milk? In my opinion, they all taste like crap! After my first visit with my oncologist she said I needed to stick to a 2,000 calorie diet a day. The only problem is I couldn't eat. So, to maintain my calorie intake my family and I decided shakes were the way to go. First we started off with muscle milk. Everyone told me that chocolate was the best flavor so that's the one I chose. It was so terrible that I almost spit it on the floor. I'd hate to taste the worst flavor. Then came the milkshakes. Keep in mind I couldn't drink anything cold because of the chemo. We had to warm each milk shake before I drank it....mmmmmm....mmmmmm....good! I wasn't sure if the chemo or the shakes were making me throw up.

My daughter, Tiffany was determined I would meet my daily goal of 2,000 calories, so she began inventing shakes hoping one would be a winner. She stood at the counter with her blender like a mad scientist cooking up her formulas. She even named the shakes: peachy keen, merry melon and berrylicious. Oh yeah, she named them all. I give her an A++ for effort. Everyone that tasted them thought they were great, but I think they were just trying to lure me in for the kill.

Finally, I got everyone together and explained that I never wanted to taste another shake again. After the first chemo treatment I thought I could successfully eat bread again and decided to go to Red Lobster for their biscuits. Luckily their biscuits are delicious and 250 calories a piece. I thought everyone understood how strongly I disliked the shakes, but the next day I arrived at both my house and my mothers to find 5 pound containers of Professional Strength Muscle Building Shake Mix. You can see how well my family listens to me! My determined family began trying to force me to drink these high calorie shakes. This crap would make my whole body shake when I'd drank it.

Praise God I can eat again. I can now reach my daily 2,000 calorie diet by eating normal food. I really do appreciate my family and friends who pushed me to eat that many calories a day. Not only was I not able to eat much, but the doctor was asking me to eat more calories a day than I did when I was well. It was a challenge and I'm thankful I had people cheering me on.

I never, ever, ever, ever want a protein drink to touch my lips again. If anyone needs a 5 pound container of muscle shake mix let me know-I'll give it to you.

"If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." Matthew 5:41

Beware of the Internet

First, I want to wish my son a happy 23rd birthday and I'd like to thank my daughter for helping me with my blog.

I spoke a little too soon when posting yesterday because I've been extremely nausea the past couple of days. I didn't know whether I'd be kneeling or sitting when I went into the restroom. What a trip!

Lately I've received calls from people who are newly diagnosed with cancer. While they are waiting for their appointment with the oncologist they are consumed with fear and turn to the internet for information. I understand that reaction because I did the same thing but learned it's the wrong move. The internet feels your head with worries, fears and worst case scenarios. You end up convincing yourself you are going to die before you've even been evaluated by a doctor. For example, when researching my specific chemotherapy drug you find that toenails fall off, finger nails fall off, throat tightening up, tightening of chest, etc. Just because these symptoms happen to some people doesn't mean it's the same for everyone.

You need to find a doctor that you trust with your life and you feel confident that they are knowledgeable on your cancer. If you don't feel at ease with your doctor you should find another one. My oncologist not only specializes in my cancer, but she also explained things well. She's been with MDA for years and understood that finding out your diagnosis is scary. She showed us scan after scan, answered all of our questions and even took notes for me so I could focus on what she was saying. She explained things so well I didn't need the internet to look up further information.

There are times when it's appropriate to research your situation on the internet.

1. Research your doctor. Look for reviews, their experience, etc.

2. If they can't do anything to cure your cancer then you could research alternative methods.

The best way to research your questions besides asking your doctor is finding another person who has had your same cancer. Keep in mind that if the person has a negative attitude I wouldn't turn to them for advice.

Don't let the negative information you find on the internet get your hopes down. It's important to stay positive when dealing with cancer.

"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalms 25:4-5

The Mind is a Crazy Thing

I want to thank everyone for all of the cards, plants, flowers and donations this weekend. We had a great turnout at my mother’s visitation and funeral. Thank you for coming out and celebrating her life with us.

As far as how I’m feeling, I have been less nausea the past couple of days. I also feel less pain and will know more as the week progresses.

The mind is a crazy thing. Dealing with both an ill mother and my cancer has put me in war mode. I’ve had to reach a certain state of mind that helps me stay focused on getting well. When my chemo day is approaching I have to focus on pumping my self up because I know that I’m going to be sick for several days. Being mentally prepared for those days helps me power through. I’m not dealing with little, daily problems at work. I’m dealing with life and death and must stay strong. Only the strong survive! With that being said, it doesn’t mean I’m disrespectful, not appreciative, or don’t need my friends and family. I have to be cautious not to close out those closest to me. I’ve been asked how I stay in war mode and there are several factors that help me. First, receiving texts, calls and emails from friends and family remind me that I have support. The main reason I stay strong is my faith in God. He gives me strength each and every day. Even on the days I don’t feel great, God gives me strength and protects my mind from negative thoughts. I’m sure some people say I’m just finding God because I’m sick and there is truth to that. It took a serious illness to slow me down and help me find God. I don’t ever plan on loosing him again though. Don’t wait for something tragic to bring you to God.

For years I thought Christians were weak because they needed someone else to make them strong. I didn’t agree with the saying “turn the other cheek” and thought it was an excuse. I use to believe strength came from physically being able to protect yourself. I’ve had broken noses, fractured sheens, black eyes, bruised ribs, hurt backs, 2 rounds of cancer and with all of that physical violence, I’ve found that physical fighting is not what has given me strength. God has given me strength. He fights my battles for me.

With God’s help you can do anything. His strength enables us to face situations with grace, humility, kindness and perseverance.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalms 73:26

One of my 2 Heros

Each time I have chemo it's like a new adventure. I never know how the medication is going to affect my body. This time my blood pressure is running high.

Today I'd like to tell you about a Christian who I want to be like-my mother.

-Married to a wonderful man for 56 years who died in 1998. They never had a serious quarrel. They also loved to dance and enjoyed music. They were both very strong Christians and raised their family with Christian values. Missing church as a family was not an option.
-People and strangers from all over would call and ask her to pray for them. She had very powerful prayers. For example, I've had lots of friends call my mother when their kids were sick. Her prayers were like magic. When she asked she received.
-She said the Rosary everyday for anyone who was sick or needed comfort.
-She lit the candle every morning.
-Our favorite times were gathering on Saturdays when she made spaghetti and meatballs.
-She cooked every single Saturday for the entire family.
-She gave to charities all over.
-She was really generous to people who she thought needed it. For example, she went out of her way to tip bust boys at restaurants.
-She volunteered at Some Other Place for years.
-When at Some Other Place she learned the homeless people’s birthdays and gave them money as a gift.
-She had 6 children, 12 grandchildren and 14 great grand children.

My mother loved her family, friends and especially God. She gave us all a strong Christian foundation to build on. She continuously praised the Lord each and every day and I hope I can remember to do the same. I know she's in heaven helping Jesus run the place. Now we have 2 angels in heaven looking over the family.

Before passing, she was worried about my well being. I promised her that I'd be ok and so would the family. Now I must live up to my promise and beat my cancer.

"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

I'm Getting a New Daughter!

My son is engaged to be married. The date isn't picked yet, but we couldn't be more thrilled.

Praise the Lord

My mother's visitation will be from 5-7p on Sunday at Broussards on the corner of Major Drive and Gladys. It will be followed by a service at 7p the same night. The funeral will be held Monday at 10a at St. Anthony's Cathedral on Neches right off of College Street.

God has definitely been working in my life and has answered 2 specific prayers. First, my mother didn't suffer and second I got good news from my oncologist. My blood work was still good. My white blood count was low but still good enough to receive chemo. If it's lower than 1 they won't let you have chemo and you have to receive shots to build your immune system. The blood work also showed that the chemo is staying in my system and fighting the cancer for a long period of time which is good. Also, the swelling in my stomach has gone down some and my stomach wasn't rumbling as much as it use to which is a good indicator. After my last chemo treatment I had intense stomach and back pain and was concerned. The doctor felt since the pain went away after a few days that the chemo was fighting with the tumor and winning. I'm also glad to report I didn't get sick on the ride home. Overall, the chemo treatments seem to be working and I'm ecstatic. God is good!

"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find [a] refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light." Psalms 36:5-9

Words Can't Express

My family has had a big loss today. My mother passed away at 4:45p. She had an extremely rough night last night, so this morning my family gathered and prayed over her while listening to worship music. God answered our prayer and she relaxed and rested peacefully to the end. My brother went to the store and bought a CD that had my parent's song on it. They danced to Vince Gill's "Just the Two of Us" at their 50th anniversary party so we played that song for her a couple of times. My parents loved to dance so we encouraged her to go to heaven and dance. After the song was over the priest showed up and said the last rights and we all prayed. Quickly there after she passed away peacefully. We feel like my dad came and got her and they were reunited tonight. Although we are glad they are both together words can not express how much we will miss them. After discussing it with my family we decided I should go to my chemo appointment tomorrow. Please continue to pray that chemo works and for my family as the week continues.

"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14