An Anxious Look About You

I'm feeling pretty good today except tonight I've been having pain in my stomach. That's a good sign though because the doctor says that's the chemo fighting the cancer. Other than that things are pretty normal.

I've been thinking about the waiting room at MDA where you get your blood work done and have made some observations.

You can categorize the people into 3 groups:

1. Just diagnosed with cancer for the first time. Waiting for the blood work to see how bad it is.
2. Waiting to find out if they have cancer again.
3. Currently in chemo waiting on routine blood work.

While sitting in the waiting room your eyes automatically scan and notice the bald people with PICCS in their arms. There are all different types of cancers and stages of cancer being represented. Some people are moving well while others are in wheel chairs. Then, you notice the other people in the room who look healthy. They still have hair, but they have a certain look about them. Those who have had cancer before are contemplating, look worried and frightened. They know what to expect and are thinking about their past experience and worried about their future. Then, you notice the people who look completely frightened, almost panicked. Their eyes are wandering around the room and fixate on the sick people. On several occasions I've had people eye balling me. They look me up and down, stare at my bald head, and focus in on my arm. Never do they look away, but I don't take offense. They are in their own world worried about their future. You can almost read their thoughts. "Is that what I'm going to look like?" and "Am I going to loose my hair?" and "Will I have that thing in my arm?" It's weird because in my experience nobody ever talks about their diagnosis. No one asks questions or compares stories. Sometimes I feel like I should stand up and ask, "Who here is waiting to be diagnosed? OK, let's go talk and leave here feeling OK about our situations." I really hope that each of these people have the same support as me. The prayers, emails and phone calls have helped get me through this experience. Lastly, I hope they have a relationship with God because without his strength beating this disease is near impossible.

"Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10