What is this funny feeling?

Throughout my childhood I went to church every Sunday and as an adult I began floating in and out of the church. I'd get in the habit of going and then not step foot into a church for sometime. Recently, it had been about 10 years since I regularly visited a church. Even though I didn't attend church I believed in God, miracles, and that Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins. With that being said, I never let my guard down or developed a dependence on God. I'd sometimes pray when things were bad but never remembered to pray when things were good. Life and my busy schedule got in the way of me ever developing a relationship with Christ.

After I was diagnosed with cancer I decided it was time to focus on what was important and that was my faith in God. I had never really given it a chance before. I began praying, reading the bible, reading books, and eventually went back to church. Then, I attended a sermon and it was as if the Priest was speaking directly to me. As I was listening to this sermon that was prepared especially for me I felt a warm feeling in my heart. It brought tears to my eyes and I didn't understand what was happening. At first I thought my cancer was making me over emotional, but over time I realized that wasn't the case. When this feeling occurred again I realized something much bigger was happening.

Later I was reading my Yearly Devotional book and they explained what I was feeling.

The moment you trust in Christ, you receive the Holy Spirit, who constantly encourages you in your hope in God.

After reading that quote I realized that I had received the Holy Spirit in church that day. For the first time in my life I had stopped, and listened to what God had to say. If you never stop and allow God to take control of your life you may never experience a meaningful relationship with him.

"You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ." Romans 8:9

1 More Chemo

This week I've noticed the effects of the chemo have lasted longer than usual. Even last night when I drank something cold my lips tingled. That sensation is usually gone after 4 days, but this time it lasted 10 days. I assume this means that the chemo is still in my system which is great. The only down side is I won't get a break in between chemo sessions. I was getting use to having 4 or 5 normal days before the next treatment.

This Wednesday I was suppose to having another catscan to see how my body has responded to the last few treatments, but it's been rescheduled. Now, I'm getting another treatment of chemo and the scan will be in another 2 weeks. With MDA you never know what your schedule will be, so it would be a good idea to check it online before leaving your house. Of course, I haven't set up my account yet, so I get my schedule when arriving at MDA. A lot of the time my schedule is completely different than the one they gave me 2 weeks earlier.

What I have come to realize is it doesn't matter. I'm usually at MDA all day so it doesn't matter if my schedule has been pushed back by a few hours. You have to be flexible and realize there are more important things in life.

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25

A New Man

Cancer has changed me inside and out. When I look in the mirror I don't even recognize myself anymore. My hair is starting to grow back GRAY and kind of unruly, I've lost muscle tone, I've lost weight and even have new scars. Aside from my appearance, I've also noticed my body is physically weaker. I don't have nearly the stamina I use to and my body demand naps to get through the day. I've even lost control of my life, mainly my independence. I'm consistently depending on others whether it's for a ride to Houston or help prepping my arm for a shower.

Sometimes I fear that one day I'll look in the mirror and not see myself at all. I will put up a good fight to make sure that doesn't happen though. I'll continue to exercise so I'm physically strong, but most importantly I'll continue to study God's word so I'm spiritually strong. Like I said, this disease has changed me inside and out. It's made my outer body weaker, but made me internally stronger. Never in my life have I felt as close to God and I plan on continuing to build that relationship. Hopefully soon my physical strength will catch up with my spiritual growth and I'll be a brand new man!!!

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Romans 8:11

A New Goal Met

In life people set and accomplish many goals.

For example:

1. Run a 26 mile marathon
2. Win a triathlon
3. Climb Mount Everest
4. Run and jump from the highest bridge
5. Water raft down the Colorado Rapids
6. Win championship cage fighting
7. Become an Indian Chief

This past week I was able to accomplish my goal. I showered without depending on someone to wrap my arm. This accomplishment may not seem like much compared to climbing Mount Everest, but to an independent person like me this was huge. I even took 2 showers today just because I could. As my grandson says, "Today is a happy day."

"Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise." Jeremiah 17:14

What a day!

Friday I woke up feeling nauseous. I had a terrible taste in my mouth and it made the thought of food disgusting. Also, everything tasted awful. This feeling stayed with me all day long. The feeling just built and built until I vomited and then it repeated itself. The nausea medication they prescribe does help, but the feeling doesn't go away. On top of that I was exhausted! This made my trip back to MDA intense. I'm lucky because some people feel like this for days, but I only feel sick for a couple of days. Saturday I was still nauseous but nothing like Friday. Overall, today has been pretty good. I was able to take a ride with a close friend and didn't get too sick. I must say it did make me tired though. I could barely keep my eyes open after a while.

"Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all." 1 Chronicles 29:12

Successful Surgery

Yesterday was a long day. We left home at 4a and got returned around 8:30p. The surgery was a success! They put in my port, took out my PICC and administered chemo. While at MDA I receive 4 hours of chemo and then they place a pump on my hip that distributes chemo for the next 48 hours. Usually a friend removes my pump, but now that I have a port I must return to MDA to have the pump removed. So tomorrow night I'll head back to MDA to have the pump removed, flush the port and remove the needle. Surprisingly I haven't gotten sick but my neck and chest are sore.

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13

Power Port

Today was a long day at MDA. By 8:00p I was giving blood and from there I met with the anesthesiologist. As soon as the anesthesiologist found out I was diabetic and wore a pump they sent me to an internist because I was a high risk patient. The internist decided to call in a endocrinologist (a diabetic specialist) to discuss what to do with my pump while in surgery. I have had surgery before and knew what the doctors should do with my pump, but they thought they'd double check. Of course, I was right! After we made a written plan I had to visit the surgeon who will be placing the power port in my chest and his staff. From there I went back to the anesthesiologist and firmed up my plan with him. It was 5:30p before I left MDA.

I also thought I'd give you a little information about the power port that I will be getting tomorrow. The power port is a device placed under the skin in the upper chest below the collar bone. The port is used for chemo therapy and other IV treatments. This device is placed completely under the skin. When looking at the port you can only see a small raised bump.

The port has 2 parts to it. The first part is a reservoir disk. This is a small disc with a raised center which is made with a self-sealing material. The center of the disk is where the needle is inserted. The 2nd part is the catheter. This is a small flexible tube connected to the disk. The catheter may go into a large vein in your neck or your chest. Mine is going to a vein in my neck. The medication you receive will be delivered into the disk, carried through the catheter and into your bloodstream.

After the port is inserted it's ready to be used and can be left in your chest for years. Only special needles called a Huber Needle can be used in the port. One hour before a needle is put into the port you can use a topical anesthetic cream to numb the skin. To take care of the port you can't lift your arms over your head or lift more than 20 pounds for 3 weeks. You can't put it under water for 4 weeks but can shower within 48 hours. When the port is not in use you have to flush it every month with Heparin and Saline. You also have to flush it after each use. You are given a medical alert card you must keep on you at all times. This card includes information about the port, the brand name, type of port and lot number. After 6 weeks you are released to do all activities.

Tomorrow I have to be on the road by 4am to be at my 6 am appointment. My surgery is scheduled for 7:30a and will last about an hour. I should be in recovery for another hour and then I have an appointment with my oncologist. When I see her I'll review my blood work and receive chemo for 4 hours. Tomorrow they will also be taking out the PICC and using my new power port for chemo. It'll be a long day!

Here's a picture of the power port.



"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28