Cancer has changed me inside and out. When I look in the mirror I don't even recognize myself anymore. My hair is starting to grow back GRAY and kind of unruly, I've lost muscle tone, I've lost weight and even have new scars. Aside from my appearance, I've also noticed my body is physically weaker. I don't have nearly the stamina I use to and my body demand naps to get through the day. I've even lost control of my life, mainly my independence. I'm consistently depending on others whether it's for a ride to Houston or help prepping my arm for a shower.
Sometimes I fear that one day I'll look in the mirror and not see myself at all. I will put up a good fight to make sure that doesn't happen though. I'll continue to exercise so I'm physically strong, but most importantly I'll continue to study God's word so I'm spiritually strong. Like I said, this disease has changed me inside and out. It's made my outer body weaker, but made me internally stronger. Never in my life have I felt as close to God and I plan on continuing to build that relationship. Hopefully soon my physical strength will catch up with my spiritual growth and I'll be a brand new man!!!
"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Romans 8:11
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A New Goal Met
In life people set and accomplish many goals.
For example:
1. Run a 26 mile marathon
2. Win a triathlon
3. Climb Mount Everest
4. Run and jump from the highest bridge
5. Water raft down the Colorado Rapids
6. Win championship cage fighting
7. Become an Indian Chief
This past week I was able to accomplish my goal. I showered without depending on someone to wrap my arm. This accomplishment may not seem like much compared to climbing Mount Everest, but to an independent person like me this was huge. I even took 2 showers today just because I could. As my grandson says, "Today is a happy day."
"Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise." Jeremiah 17:14
For example:
1. Run a 26 mile marathon
2. Win a triathlon
3. Climb Mount Everest
4. Run and jump from the highest bridge
5. Water raft down the Colorado Rapids
6. Win championship cage fighting
7. Become an Indian Chief
This past week I was able to accomplish my goal. I showered without depending on someone to wrap my arm. This accomplishment may not seem like much compared to climbing Mount Everest, but to an independent person like me this was huge. I even took 2 showers today just because I could. As my grandson says, "Today is a happy day."
"Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise." Jeremiah 17:14
Sunday, February 7, 2010
What a day!
Friday I woke up feeling nauseous. I had a terrible taste in my mouth and it made the thought of food disgusting. Also, everything tasted awful. This feeling stayed with me all day long. The feeling just built and built until I vomited and then it repeated itself. The nausea medication they prescribe does help, but the feeling doesn't go away. On top of that I was exhausted! This made my trip back to MDA intense. I'm lucky because some people feel like this for days, but I only feel sick for a couple of days. Saturday I was still nauseous but nothing like Friday. Overall, today has been pretty good. I was able to take a ride with a close friend and didn't get too sick. I must say it did make me tired though. I could barely keep my eyes open after a while.
"Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all." 1 Chronicles 29:12
"Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all." 1 Chronicles 29:12
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Successful Surgery
Yesterday was a long day. We left home at 4a and got returned around 8:30p. The surgery was a success! They put in my port, took out my PICC and administered chemo. While at MDA I receive 4 hours of chemo and then they place a pump on my hip that distributes chemo for the next 48 hours. Usually a friend removes my pump, but now that I have a port I must return to MDA to have the pump removed. So tomorrow night I'll head back to MDA to have the pump removed, flush the port and remove the needle. Surprisingly I haven't gotten sick but my neck and chest are sore.
"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13
"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Power Port
Today was a long day at MDA. By 8:00p I was giving blood and from there I met with the anesthesiologist. As soon as the anesthesiologist found out I was diabetic and wore a pump they sent me to an internist because I was a high risk patient. The internist decided to call in a endocrinologist (a diabetic specialist) to discuss what to do with my pump while in surgery. I have had surgery before and knew what the doctors should do with my pump, but they thought they'd double check. Of course, I was right! After we made a written plan I had to visit the surgeon who will be placing the power port in my chest and his staff. From there I went back to the anesthesiologist and firmed up my plan with him. It was 5:30p before I left MDA.
I also thought I'd give you a little information about the power port that I will be getting tomorrow. The power port is a device placed under the skin in the upper chest below the collar bone. The port is used for chemo therapy and other IV treatments. This device is placed completely under the skin. When looking at the port you can only see a small raised bump.
The port has 2 parts to it. The first part is a reservoir disk. This is a small disc with a raised center which is made with a self-sealing material. The center of the disk is where the needle is inserted. The 2nd part is the catheter. This is a small flexible tube connected to the disk. The catheter may go into a large vein in your neck or your chest. Mine is going to a vein in my neck. The medication you receive will be delivered into the disk, carried through the catheter and into your bloodstream.
After the port is inserted it's ready to be used and can be left in your chest for years. Only special needles called a Huber Needle can be used in the port. One hour before a needle is put into the port you can use a topical anesthetic cream to numb the skin. To take care of the port you can't lift your arms over your head or lift more than 20 pounds for 3 weeks. You can't put it under water for 4 weeks but can shower within 48 hours. When the port is not in use you have to flush it every month with Heparin and Saline. You also have to flush it after each use. You are given a medical alert card you must keep on you at all times. This card includes information about the port, the brand name, type of port and lot number. After 6 weeks you are released to do all activities.
Tomorrow I have to be on the road by 4am to be at my 6 am appointment. My surgery is scheduled for 7:30a and will last about an hour. I should be in recovery for another hour and then I have an appointment with my oncologist. When I see her I'll review my blood work and receive chemo for 4 hours. Tomorrow they will also be taking out the PICC and using my new power port for chemo. It'll be a long day!
Here's a picture of the power port.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
I also thought I'd give you a little information about the power port that I will be getting tomorrow. The power port is a device placed under the skin in the upper chest below the collar bone. The port is used for chemo therapy and other IV treatments. This device is placed completely under the skin. When looking at the port you can only see a small raised bump.
The port has 2 parts to it. The first part is a reservoir disk. This is a small disc with a raised center which is made with a self-sealing material. The center of the disk is where the needle is inserted. The 2nd part is the catheter. This is a small flexible tube connected to the disk. The catheter may go into a large vein in your neck or your chest. Mine is going to a vein in my neck. The medication you receive will be delivered into the disk, carried through the catheter and into your bloodstream.
After the port is inserted it's ready to be used and can be left in your chest for years. Only special needles called a Huber Needle can be used in the port. One hour before a needle is put into the port you can use a topical anesthetic cream to numb the skin. To take care of the port you can't lift your arms over your head or lift more than 20 pounds for 3 weeks. You can't put it under water for 4 weeks but can shower within 48 hours. When the port is not in use you have to flush it every month with Heparin and Saline. You also have to flush it after each use. You are given a medical alert card you must keep on you at all times. This card includes information about the port, the brand name, type of port and lot number. After 6 weeks you are released to do all activities.
Tomorrow I have to be on the road by 4am to be at my 6 am appointment. My surgery is scheduled for 7:30a and will last about an hour. I should be in recovery for another hour and then I have an appointment with my oncologist. When I see her I'll review my blood work and receive chemo for 4 hours. Tomorrow they will also be taking out the PICC and using my new power port for chemo. It'll be a long day!
Here's a picture of the power port.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Remission is around the corner and here's my plan...
1. Run through MDA naked.
2. Get someone to bail me out of jail for running through MDA naked.
3. Walk around outside in the cold w/out shoes on.
4. Take icecream out of the freezer without gloves on.
5. Eat the icecream.
6. Play the drums until I fall off the chair.
7. Run 5 miles without taking a nap after walking 1 mile.
8. Go to Ruth Chris's Steak House and eat the biggest steak on the menu.
9. Go see the big trees in California.
10. Go to the union hall without being sent home by the secretary treasurer.
11. Drink a Diet Coke.
12. Take a shower without having to have someone wrap my arm.
13. Eat all meals without throwing up.
14. Sleep in the bed w/ ease and no pain. Hell, I may sleep on the floor.
15. Grow my hair down to my butt.
16. Buy hair dye.
17. Drive a vehicle w/out a throw up bucket sitting next to me.
18. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God.
"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." Psalms 119:32
2. Get someone to bail me out of jail for running through MDA naked.
3. Walk around outside in the cold w/out shoes on.
4. Take icecream out of the freezer without gloves on.
5. Eat the icecream.
6. Play the drums until I fall off the chair.
7. Run 5 miles without taking a nap after walking 1 mile.
8. Go to Ruth Chris's Steak House and eat the biggest steak on the menu.
9. Go see the big trees in California.
10. Go to the union hall without being sent home by the secretary treasurer.
11. Drink a Diet Coke.
12. Take a shower without having to have someone wrap my arm.
13. Eat all meals without throwing up.
14. Sleep in the bed w/ ease and no pain. Hell, I may sleep on the floor.
15. Grow my hair down to my butt.
16. Buy hair dye.
17. Drive a vehicle w/out a throw up bucket sitting next to me.
18. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God.
"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." Psalms 119:32
Friday, January 29, 2010
Trust in God
The doctors tell me that there is no cure for my cancer. They say I have the opportunity to go into remission, but I'll never be cured. I think they are full of baloney. God can heal anyone! When I'm receiving chemo I begin the process by texting several different people. We all pray at the same time that the chemo is working. Then, as each drug is administered I imagine the Holy Spirit touching each of my organs and lymph nodes and healing them. Because I've seen my body scan I can easily picture the cancerous spots and consistently pray throughout chemo that the cancer is disappearing. Then, on Sunday when I take communion at church I picture it healing everything it touches as it enters my body. It's up to God to determine when it's your time to join him in Heaven, but while on Earth you can trust in him. The doctors may have told you your time on Earth is limited, but it's up to you on how you live it. You can waste it away by moping around or you can enjoy it.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not rely on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not rely on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
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